I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
this is an emotional support booty call
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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