I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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