I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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