I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize