hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
