I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
