I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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