it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
