happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
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So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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