"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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