Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
