I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
