I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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