I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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