somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
