I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
