So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why do cheetos always look like penises
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
