Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
