theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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