quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
