She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
do nipples grow back?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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