he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
