we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
