i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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