Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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