White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
