dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
