So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
