i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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