you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
