bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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