he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
