How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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