it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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