I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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