hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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