we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
