"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
