Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
