you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
