She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
