she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
