3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
