I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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