I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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