i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
