census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
