My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
