i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
