Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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