i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
