quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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