She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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