I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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