I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
