we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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