If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
