I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
