Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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