I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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